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Why adopting a dog feels like finding your perfect dating match

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Couple poses with a pair of Bernese Mountain dogs. Photo for adopting a dog is like dating,
Adopting a dog is like dating, identify what you want, but don’t get too focused on appearance.

When you’re looking for a new special someone to let into your life, you must be selective. Believe it or not, researchers say adopting a dog is like dating.

So don’t get too caught up in the superficial. Regardless of your preference, you need to make sure your new dog has more than just fresh breath and a great-looking coat.

After all, you could be spending the rest of your lives together. You need to make sure that you connect on a deeper level than just through appearance.

Whether or not you agree with the similarities between the two, science has had its say.

A study published in the journal Behavior Research Methods has found that adopting a dog is like dating.

Identify what you want

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Dr. Samantha Cohen, who ran the study, made an interesting point: “Someone can still adopt a dog who fits their true preferences and makes them happy, but those preferences wouldn’t match what they told researchers.”

As an example, she cites potential owners who change their minds about adopting a puppy. “I like to give this example: Someone might walk into a pet shelter initially wanting a young dog, but after playing with a few, quickly realize they don’t have enough time for all that energy and instead seek out a senior (dog) who needs less exercise.”

So, what you think you’re looking for, and what you’re looking for in a dog can be two different things.

Often, when it comes to a dog, people want an attractive, friendly dog that matches the breed they choose.

This kind of selection process is common in dating, but is it the right approach? Let’s take a look at a few ways that adopting a dog is like dating.

Understand relationship baggage

Man, woman and child consider adopting a rescue dog at a shelter.
Understand your new dog may have baggage from a previous owner who was abusive or neglectful.

The chance to give a dog a much-needed home is just one reason to adopt a dog. When you choose a dog, especially one that has been returned to a shelter, understand that the dog may have behavioral issues related to how it was treated in the past.

If your dog is timid or even scared of people, this could be a sign of a previous abusive owner.

Dating is similar; people who had unfaithful partners in the past often find trust issues complicate future relationships.

Whether you’re adopting a dog or dating someone new, how they were treated in the past can significantly impact your relationship.

Recognize warning signs

Dating is also like being in a job interview. The first few dates give you a chance to assess the person in front of you. That said, you can’t judge how someone acts on a date and assume it translates to their behavior in a relationship.

The same principle applies when it comes to adopting a dog. When you visit a dog in the shelter, the fact that they’re playful and energetic could easily prove destructive when you get them home. You also could mistake excitement for dangerous or aggressive puppy warning signs.

The critical similarity between dating and adopting dogs is that initial warning signs can easily be overlooked or misunderstood. The dog you see at the shelter may be very different from the dog you bring home.

Control first date nerves

Man and woman sit outside a cafe, an example of dog-friendly businesses
Focus on getting to know your dog and understand that the shelter may not let your dog shine.

Have you ever had that nervous first date feeling? Perhaps you’re the type of person who kicks yourself after saying the wrong thing or wishes you’d thought to say something else.

Unfortunately, nerves can make us behave abnormally, and the same principle can apply when you adopt a dog.

People often tend to go for the dog that runs right up to them, and this is understandable. That’s not to say the quiet dog in the corner can’t offer the same friendly, welcoming nature. The dog could be shy.

The shelter doesn’t offer all dogs the best opportunity to shine.  The takeaway point is that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover; always remember the role nerves can play in new interactions.

The role of compatibility

Just as in dating, lifestyle matters when adopting a dog. Before you fall head over heels for those puppy dog eyes, take an honest look at your own lifestyle and how it matches a dog’s needs.
Do you live in a small apartment or have a sprawling backyard? Are you a marathon runner or more of a Netflix-and-chill type? Do you work long hours or have flexibility throughout the day?
These questions mirror the same compatibility considerations you’d evaluate when dating someone new. A high-energy Border Collie won’t thrive with a couch potato owner, just as a relationship between a homebody and an adventure seeker might struggle.
Consider the dog’s energy levels, time commitments, and space requirements alongside your daily routines and values. An active lifestyle pairs well with breeds that need regular exercise, while a calmer home environment suits senior dogs or lower-energy breeds.
The key is finding alignment between what you can offer and what your potential companion needs.
When your lifestyles match, you’re setting the foundation for a harmonious, long-lasting relationship—whether it’s with a dog or a significant other.

The commitment factor

When you adopt a dog, you’re making a commitment that could last 10 to 15 years or more. It’s the same kind of long-term responsibility you consider when building a lasting relationship.
Just as rushing into a relationship can lead to heartbreak, adopting without understanding the responsibility can disappoint both you and your furry friend.
Dogs require daily feeding, exercise, veterinary care, training, and your time—on busy workdays, during vacations, and through life’s challenges.
But here’s the reward: when you invest time and patience upfront—learning about breeds, visiting shelters multiple times, asking the right questions—you’re setting yourself up for years of unconditional love and companionship.
Just like in dating, taking the adoption process seriously from the beginning pays dividends throughout your journey together.
The bond you build creates a relationship that enriches both your lives for years to come.

Tips for successful ‘dating’ (adopting): Beyond first impressions

Just like you wouldn’t commit to a relationship after one coffee date, adopting a dog requires more than a single visit.
Do:
• Visit the dog multiple timesto reveal their true personality
• Ask shelter staff detailed questions about temperament, history, and behavioral issue
• Spend quality time together outside the kennel—walks, play, or quiet moments
• Bring family members or other pets to meet the dog
• Request a trial period or foster-to-adopt arrangement if available
• Trust your instincts.
Don’t:
• Rush the decision based solely on appearance
• Ignore red flags or behavioral concerns
• Forget to ask about exercise needs, medical history, and special requirements
• Overlook the quiet dog in the corner.
• Adopt impulsively without considering your lifestyle and long-term commitment.
• Be afraid to walk away if it’s not the right match.
Successful adoption, like successful dating, comes down to patience, honest communication, and finding alignment between needs and what you can offer.

Create your happy ending

The final similarity we’ll draw is that bringing the right dog or person into your life can bring you endless happiness.

Everyone goes through highs and lows with both dogs and dating. Once you find your forever mate, you’ll look back on the adoption (or dating) process with fond memories.

The important thing is to be open-minded and enjoy the journey.

Living happily ever after

Black and tan cocker spaniel kisses white and tan cocker spaniel.
With a well-thought-out selection process, time, and flexibility, you can find the perfect companion.

Adopting a dog is a beautiful way to give a dog a new home and make life happier for both of you.

Although we’re not dating experts, here’s some advice for adopting a dog that we feel is also applicable to dating. Understanding and considering your dog’s past is key to realizing the reasons for its behaviors today.

Try to remember that what you think you’re looking for, and what you’re looking for, can be two very different things. With a well-thought-out selection process, you can end up with a companion for life!

Discover the perfect furry companion for you with our comprehensive dog breed guide ?

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