If your dog could talk, chances are he’d have quite a bit to say about what gift he’d prefer this year. He’d probably have an opinion about those dorky boots you bought last year (the ones he couldn’t walk in) or that bed from a few years ago that’s too firm and way too big! And Aunt Linda’s flea collar? Booooo!
So for this year’s perfect dog gift, we took it straight from the dog’s mouth…
Here’s my most thoughtful holiday wish list.
A dog-monitoring camera
I suppose you’re feeling guilty about those long days at work when I’m sitting here at home with no one to talk to. Maybe you’re even worried my boredom might lead to a little extra shoe snack time.
Yeah sure, there’s probably plenty of reasons to keep a good eye on me while you’re away, wink.
A dog tracker
Yeah, yeah, I remember that time last year when you were traumatized when I went a little too far on my morning walkabout.
And I know you weren’t thrilled when I finally got home having indulged in a little mud bath. To avoid a relapse that could cause you more emotional distress, I’d suggest you pick me up one of those GPS dog tracking devices.
Using a GPS tracker can keep me out of trouble before I manage to find it.
A dog bed
About that bed? Yeah, that one that’s way too big and hard as a rock?
Think of me as Goldilocks. I’m looking for a bed, that’s not too big, and not too small, but just the right size.
That means you need to measure me, not guess! So when I’m fast asleep, grab a tape measure and measure from the tip of my shiny nose or my feet, all the way back to my rump.
A monthly dog treat subscription
So while Roger was talking about his special camera that tosses treats, he mentioned that he also gets a little present that comes special delivery every month, just for him.
Really? Why am I not getting that? I’m good. I always obey. And no one snuggles up to you like me.
He said this box comes every month filled with a new toy and special treats inside.
Heck, it may even save you shopping for a gift for me. Could I get one of these subscriptions, please?
A vest for anxiety
I’ve been meaning to talk to you about this anxiety problem I’ve been having.
For whatever reason, when it starts raining outside, the lights start flashing, and there’s a lot of loud clapping noises. I’m not so good at this.
You’ll notice I end up hiding under the bed most of the time. You know Sassy the rat terrier down the street? Well, she told me when it storms outside, there’s a special vest I can wear that puts pressure on me, so I don’t get quite so anxious.
I’ll need this, too, please.
An interactive toy
I’ve been thinking, and I’ve decided I’m pretty bored while you’re at work all day. Just like you got interactive toys for the kids, can you think about adding something to my list?
I’m getting kinda tired of the frazzled rope toy and squeaking bone. I gotta have something that exercises my amazing brainpower.
A final request
I know, I know, it’s a lot.
But heck, I’ve earned this. I didn’t throw up on the rug at Thanksgiving again.
Plus, I haven’t sipped our Christmas tree water.
And I haven’t chewed one eensy, weensy hole in that bed, as awful as it’s been. So pretty please, how about a few special treats, just for me?
Rex (with a little help from Roger and Sassy)